Mean Girls

I saw the first movie, Mean Girls. Comedian Tina Fey wrote the script about high school social clicks, bullying and the damaging effect it has on teenagers. I had several of these experiences throughout school and it doesn’t stop at the high school level I can assure you. If you are a pretty girl and smart, you just might have a lifetime of it. Life itself is tough and many can’t stand under the weight of it. I have helped with a Celebrate Recovery program and saw some of the ramifications first hand.

Why does it have to be this way? A pecking order of some sort. I have seen this in the animal kingdom, hence the term pecking order. My husband and I have chickens and the chicks will kill a weaker one. One time we saved a young chicken that the other chicks had pecked her toes off. She ended up living a long life. We also have had horses fight to be the leader and one horse ended up being a loner the rest of it’s life. Sometimes I would rather be a loner but God keeps encouraging me to press on. You can’t be a witness when you are shut up in your home. That’s exactly where Satan wants us to be. I’m sure he was so pleased during the Covid pandemic.

I was surprised when I went to a Christian youth camp and experienced bullying at the age of 58 years old. My staff person had gone a few years before and came back furious about the actions of the young and old. My daughter in law went at a different time and had the same reaction. I didn’t understand their responses but quickly realized what had happened to them.

Before the camp I had been to the preparation meetings and read up on the materials. I taught a few Sunday School classes to try and get to know the students. The youth minister told me to be at the church at 8:30 to leave for camp and he added “most of the time people are early.” When I got there they were already loaded up and were finishing their meeting. I wasn’t late just not early. The girls were mad at me, giving me dirty looks. If I hadn’t shown up they wouldn’t have been able to go, shouldn’t they have been thankful I did?

My husband and our staff person showed up late to tell me bye, she was dressed to kill and I in my long shorts and t-shirt. My husband loaded my luggage, kissed me and left with her. That sounds bad but she was having marital problems and that made me uncomfortable. I had boyfriends stolen in school and women have flirted with my husband on many occasions. Many a wife has lost their husbands to secretaries.

I was the last one on the bus. The other female sponsor drove her own vehicle because she was going to leave camp early with her daughter. Upon entering the bus I asked the youth leader where I should sit and he said anywhere. I looked and there were three kids in the back, several empty seats and a group of kids sitting together in the middle. Then the youth minister was sitting up front by the driver, they were longtime cohorts at these camps. I chose to sit in between the groups to try to start bringing them together. It was clearly the popular group with a few wannabes and the not popular group. As I started to go to the back a “popular” girl had her leg across the isle. I looked at her to move it and she challenged me. I stood my ground and asked her to move it, she reluctantly did after rolling her eyes.

I sat down and took a breath. Trying to calm down from the events of the morning. I had been to other youth camps and knew they can be challenging. Even I get put into the pecking order, remember what the chickens did when they were young. There is a Bible verse that is disturbing when you think about it. Jeremiah 32:20 reads ”Indeed the sons of Israel and the sons of Judah have been doing only evil in My sight FROM THEIR YOUTH; for the sons of Israel have been only provoking Me to anger by the work of their hands,” declares the Lord.”

This is not the only place in the Bible where it says “evil done in their youth”.

Prior to camp I had been warned that there was a couple (boyfriend and girlfriend) that was not supposed to be a couple because the parents had broken them up. Of course if you know the Shakespearian story of Romeo and Juliette that doesn’t work.
‭‭Youth camps are supposed to be no PDA zones, no public display of affection. The couple was sitting across from each other against their window then started moving closer to one another. Closer and closer until they were in the same seat and talking to where their lips were almost touching. Here we go, I thought and called the boy back to my seat and asked him to move back to his seat. I told him I had been chewed out before by a father after another youth camp for allowing stuff like this and I wasn’t going to let it happen again.

The popular group then became the whispering, jeering teenagers I had experienced in times past. The only comfort was that those same kids from the past came to me years later and thanked me for talking strictly with them and how they understood why. It doesn’t make it any easier when I am in the middle of it though.

I then introduced myself to the back of the bus riders and they seemed compassionate towards me having observed the events. They know the pain.

While I was on the bus ride the staff person called me to get advice on an application and although I told her how to complete it she just got frustrated and said she would tell the customer they would have to wait until I got back. Chances are the customer would move on to someone else and we would lose the sale. That was very frustrating to me!

The bus driver stopped for breakfast at a fast food restaurant on the way to camp. The adults sat at one table and the youth at another. I thought that we should intermingle. Listen to each other, learn from one another. I mentioned it to a sponsor and he wasn’t interested. The Bible says about God’s statutes “You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up.”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭11‬:19

We are losing our children because of the “dinner” movement. Only talking to them then.

Finally we got to the youth camp and then we had to wait for them to open the gates because we were too early. Ugh! Isn’t that interesting since we had left earlier than what I was told we would. Satan was really working hard on me since I was to give my testimony at the camp.

Upon arrival at the camp the youth director assigned the duties. Afterwards when they were completed he wanted to recognize a camper for a good job. The adults gave their opinions but he chose his pick, the boy I had reprimanded. I don’t know if he knew what had happened earlier or not. Later he told me the girl I had recommended had propositioned him if he let her use his phone. I admired his strength since he was divorced.

I had brought some games, puzzles and youth age coloring books. I placed them on the shelf and told them about them. The ring leader said in a snobbish voice. “We don’t color”. By the end of the week some of them did the games, the puzzles and they did color only the coloring book that was full of sarcastic quotes. It was a test I had given them and they failed miserably.

When the cook was setting up the kitchen and one of the boys asked to help, she wouldn’t let him. I questioned her because he was one of the unpopular kids. His parents had a restaurant out of town and he knew what he was doing. She said it’s because if he does he won’t bond with the others. I didn’t agree. This was something they always did in the past but times have changed. He ended up taking it upon himself one night and cleaned the mess hall which ended up gaining him respect from the kids!

Some of the kids, which should have been “students”, because they have classes at the camp to grow their walk with the Lord, knew their way around the camp. Others did not and they all scattered to see who else was there. This always makes me uncomfortable. The youth minister never seems to worry about it. I went upstairs to get my phone and call home while they were gone. I could tell my tub of stuff had been moved up against the wall. When I picked up my phone to unplug it, it was unplugged from the wall. Warning shot fired…

I mentioned my long shorts earlier, the rules are that the females have to wear long shorts. A couple of the girls wore short shorts. I didn’t say anything, I was surprised their mothers let them and thought someone will call them out and it wasn’t going to be me. Sure enough someone did and they came complaining to me. I said “do you think that I want to wear them, it’s a rule.” I wouldn’t wear short shorts but shorter than the ones that come to your knees. They were surprised at my reaction but it made them think.

We had worship services at the camp and I don’t hold back much. I am so thankful for what the Lord has done for me. More eye rolls but by the end of the week the youth minister, buss driver and some youth were getting on board.

One of the girls was not from our town. Her clothes were borrowed and her glasses were taped and crooked on her face. The other girls shunned her like the plague so I paid special attention to her. One night she had fallen asleep before the others and was snoring. One of the snotty girls asked me to wake her up so she could sleep. I said “you know she reminds me of my mother. My mother was poor, she had thick glasses and has allergies but she is the sweetest mother anyone could have.” Not a word was said afterwards. They started including her in their trips the following days.

The girls shunned me for the most part. I watch what I eat, work out and have a strong relationship with the Lord not to mention my husband. That is intimidating to adult women let alone girls. They made fun of me just as I have been made fun of by their mothers. See where they get it, will it ever stop? I thought the “Me Too” movement would bring us together but instead it made women look foolish. I am a successful insurance agent, intelligent and am respected by men. You have to work for respect not expect it because you are a woman. My father was overlooked for a position because he was a male. Everyone under the female eventually quit because she didn’t know what she was doing.

Everyday was a challenge at the camp but after I gave my testimony the kids seemed to be more respectful. I was able to share a few more of my life’s stories which I think freaked them out! Too nieve I guess. I have been blessed to experience them.

The final day we were tired and were supposed to clean the cabin. I did all the cleaning, scrubbing the showers and toilets everything except vacuuming the floor. None of them lifted a finger and so I said they would have to vacuum. They got mad and complained to the youth minister. Since I was an outsider he supported them. What’s the saying “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

That’s not what Jesus would do, he would point out their hypocrisy to make them a better person. I have granddaughters and wanted to get to know how to help them navigate their lives by being with the girls. I don’t want them to go through what I have but as beautiful and smart as they are I’m afraid they will. Ladies we need to stop the pecking order! To be kind, caring and understanding of one another no matter our looks or status in order to change the world. Not climb over one another to do it.

I was in Walmart and around the corner came the poor girl from camp. She ran over and hugged me much to her mother’s surprise. She said “this is the lady from camp I told you about!” Her mother shook my hand and said thank you! That was worth the experience!